Feeling the Weight

By Lori Beard

Yesterday at church ( I love my church), i found myself wishing to be anywhere but there. I felt like I needed to find a corner that was dark and get in until all those precious people who I love so much were gone. I have found myself feeling that way at home..at church..pretty much everywhere. I need to hide. So I asked myself yesterday..Lori what are you hiding from and the sad sickening answer was sin…my sin. I have felt such conviction in the last few weeks over several areas of my life and I have refused to bend my knee to Jesus and repent. His has caused me to need to be in quiet safe places that lack accountability…that is not my home or my church. Thank God he has hemmed me in on all sides and will not let me go. I am so grateful for his mad love for me and his refusal to let me stay in sin. But this does not keep me from being afraid of being found out or afraid of not being loved once people really know me. The weight of my sin is huge but the weight of fear of being revealed is just as huge. When my sin becomes heavier than my fear….I can either give in and give up or plead GOD forgive me. I am pleading forgiveness and freedom. I repent of manipulating truth so that Cliff would look guiltier than he is and of not responsibly spending our money. I repent of being short and angry with my family because things are not the way I want them. I am thankful for grace that has forgiven me and set me free. You may think less of me but my weight cannot be lifted by you so my only concern is my King who died for me. I pray that you find the same freedom to cry out to Jesus when everything in you wants to run and hide…wants you to go for cover…wants to drop out of sight until things settle down….praying you stay true to the Savior who has already set you free from the weight of your sin. I am thankful to him for his unconditional love…to my family for their grace with me and to me…and to my God family who I pray continues to love and pray for me. In Christ…your weightless sister

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