When to Have Kids?

A Gallup Poll found that most Americans think women should start having children by age 25.  Seems reasonable to me, if not a bit late!  But then again I’m considered “far right” and far too religiously conservative for “most Americans.”

I came across this blog, recently, by Monica Bielanko.  You can read the whole thing by following this link, or you can just read a few of the excerpts I will cut and paste below.


Monica hates the very thought of any American woman giving birth at age 25.  She writes:

“Do you know what I was doing at 25?

 Dancing on bars after 4 too many shots of Jagermeister. Dating as many men as possible to figure out that guys who kick in your car door probably aren’t the marrying kind. Working my way to the top of the journalism food chain, first at FOX in Salt Lake City and later ABC in New York City, both of which involved 10-hour workdays. I was traveling. New York City, Mexico, London, Italy … you get the idea. I was grabbing myself a big ol’ handful of life whilst trying very hard not to create it, because that wouldn’t have been ideal. For me.”

And here we have the prevalent view of feminists in the western world.  Do what makes you happy.  Self-actualize.  Advance yourself.  Promote numeral uno.  Party hardy.  Avoid babies at all costs because they will most definitely cramp your pursuit of your own pleasure.

Monica continues:

“What I’m telling you in a rather round about fashion is that 58% of the more than 5,000 people surveyed — the ones who say women should have children in their late teens or early 20s — are just plain wrong. But that’s not all. Anyone who says women should have children by any age is wrong.

These kinds of surveys are so annoying, yet they seem to immediately go viral and do such a disservice to women out their living their lives and making choices based on what’s right for them – decisions that likely already go against the grain of what society/our parents/religion/TV/movies tell us. Decisions like our careers, delaying motherhood, choosing to be a single mom … but that’s exactly what’s wrong with any survey related to the ideal kind of parenting: there are no absolutes. You should do what is best for your circumstances; breastfeed/don’t breastfeed, let your kid cry it out/pick him up every time he sniffles, feed him gluten/don’t fee him gluten … WHATEVER.”

Whatever.  That’s the motto of America today!  

While I agree with Monica that we shouldn’t try to make hard and fast rules about when someone must have a baby, the absolute truth is that God declares it not optional for anyone who is married.  The very first command He issued to humanity was “Be fruitful and mutiply and fill the earth” (Genesis 1:28).  So, excepting the gift of single-hood and/or health issues preventing pregnancy, God has made Himself clear!

Take a look again at the “decisions” Monica affirms: our careers, delaying motherhood.  These are selfishly motivated.  What about the third decision: choosing to be a single mom.  That decision is outright rebellion to the design of Holy God for sex and marriage.  This kind of thinking is precisely what is ruining our culture, leading to rampant fatherlessness and poverty.  This creates a vicious cycle, too, as children raised in those situations typically become the next generation of “do it my way” parents dependent upon the government for nearly all things pertaining to child-rearing.

The inconsistency of Monica’s position is glaring.  She says anyone thinking women should have babies in their 20s is “wrong.”  But that word – wrong – defies her life philosophy of “WHATEVER.”  And she is obviously slanted towards name-calling if you disagree with her, as this excerpt shows:

Furthermore, there’s a lot of evidence that the gains in wages over the past few decades have been made by childless women and that the longer women wait to have kids – up to a point – the better it will be for their lifetime earnings and financial security. The fact that less educated young people still think that women should have children young isn’t good news for our already yawning class divide. The younger you have kids, the more difficult it is to pursue higher education, and according to a Pew study, “What is irrefutable … is that on average the more education a woman has, the better off her children will be.”

See?  If you like the idea of young women having babies you must be uneducated and you are holding back all the progress in the Women’s Movement.  You are not playing the game by Feminism’s rules, and you should be ashamed.  That’s the implication, no?

What is not mentioned at all in this whole article is Dad.  It’s all about women and their children.  An education-at-all-costs (because we worship education in America) mentality is what our daughters should pursue.  If they go to college, their children will be “better off.”  Do the “baby thing” whenever and however you so choose.  But let us not forget, the “baby thing” requires a man!

Where is Dad in all this philosophizing?  A woman’s children will be better off if Dad and Mom stick together for life in a marriage the honors King Jesus.  Children will be better off with moms who invest their days in teaching them the Bible, and how to cook and how to serve the elderly and how to work hard at loving and supporting a godly husband and dad.  Children will be better off when the church rises up and embraces them, regardless of their home circumstances.

Oh dear friends, this blog makes me sad for our future.  But, it also strengthens my resolve to proclaim God’s holy design for family, even as I love and minister to broken, hurting single moms and divorcees and children who did not choose any of that for themselves.  May God awaken us adults to see that all our “choices” deeply impact those precious little ones living in the houses with us.  They are our Divine heritage (Psalm 127).  May we be given grace to choose more wisely than this blogger named Monica.  And may God send His gospel to Monica and rescue her from her life of “me-ness,” just like He did for me.


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