Survival Mode in the Wilderness

By Lori Beard

I am living in what I call survival mode right now. Struggling with losing a daughter to marriage…struggling to stay connected to my husband after 29 years of marriage…struggling with feelings of failure and loss that I cannot find words for. So…I am just sitting in the desert…waiting. I am waiting for the manna from heaven…for the drink of water from the well of life…waiting to not feel strangled and without air…to be able to draw a full breath without my heart breaking. The wilderness is unmapped, unknown. I do not care for it…but I do trust the God who created the wilderness just like he did the sky…ocean…forest. I trust that if he created the wilderness…..he is in charge of it. I know that he has not left me nor forsaken me…even if I cannot feel him around me.   I am waiting then on him. I choose not to trust my feelings…not to trust what is in front of me…not to trust my circumstances..but to trust in the great I AM…my precious Savior who has never forsaken me. He is with me..he is working all things to my good. He is busily conforming me to the image of his son. I choose to trust Him instead of me.  I am sure that he who began a good work in me will be faithful to complete it. He will continue to support me…to love me…to grow me. He is faithful and I am thankful.
Do you understand the wilderness? Are you there? Who do you trust? Praying it is the one who created you…who formed you and who has engraved your name on the palm of his hand.  Trust Him…He is trustworthy.
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