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I have been thinking today about the same thing you all have..this tragedy in Connecticut. It is really an atrocity..a massacre...a crime beyond belief. No matter how you describe it, you will end up at the same emotional place...to horrified for words. I have been thinking about all the people involved in that arena today. The mommas and daddies...the brothers and sisters...the grandmas and grandpas...the teachers and staff left behind....the wives and husbands and children left behind; and the grief counselors attending there onsite. As I began to hear about these grief counselors I found myself thanking God that I don't live there and do not have to attend to those massive, open bleeding hearts. I tried to think of words that I could say that would comfort and speak truth and life into the dead, lifeless hole that so many of the hearts there have become. I could think of none. I certainly cannot say I understand; I feel your pain; I know what you feel like. I do not know any of those things and I pray I never understand that kind of pain. I certainly could not discourse on how tomorrow will be brighter and how time heals all wounds because for them tomorrow will not come for their precious loved ones and time has been stopped in one horrible moment. I could not offer wisdom because I have none to offer in this particular situation. What in the world could one say? What in the world could one even pray? I found my answer where I always find my answers..in my precious Bible. It is truly sufficient for every pain; it can answer every question; and it can fill every need. I am praying tonight the precious Word of God for Connecticut and its people and for our country in general.

Complete the following sentence:

I am sad to say that I wasted two years of my life pursing a degree in secular psychology. STUPID...There is no other word to describe the waste of time and money that pursuit was. I have decided to share some of my "knowledge" with you all and then you can decide what the real truth is. Here goes::

As I type this, I am sitting at a desk in my brother's home in Richmond, KY. The window beside me reveals the rolling bluegrass countryside and several horses are feeding nearby. A light drizzle is falling from the sky. A warm cup of coffee spews its steamy aroma towards my nose. I have a belly full of food from yesterday, as well as my bowl of Honey Bunches of Oats this morning. I do not hear any bombs going off, no small arms fire, no artillery,no warplanes overhead. My wife and children are safe and sound enjoying cousins and sisters and nephews and nieces. Later today we will all link up to eat lunch with my mom, sister, brother-in-law and their children.

On Friday night I had the great pleasure and privilege of attending a play at LHCC. I was able to see the Crone kids and Julia Griffin shine on stage in amazing ways and I loved every minute of it...I was as proud as a peacock of them all. :))) The play was about the Velveteen Rabbit and his desire to be real...what was the only thing that could work to make him real....sacrificially loving his owner. At the end of the play, I heard a beautiful voice flowing over the audience from the back singing, "Love, Love, Love,". I could not believe that voice was coming from Miss Julia Griffin...i wanted to stand up and say, "That is my niece." I was so proud of her. She continued to stage where she finished her song and explained to the rabbit that he was real because he had truly loved another. She then waved her wand and the rabbit grew legs and feet and was real...all because of love. During Pastor Keith's sermon this past Sunday, I found myself thinking of her little song (which she wrote herself) and wondering if we really understand love the way Jesus lived it and taught it and expects us too. I wondered that about myself and have been in prayer since I left service Sunday. I heard Pastor Keith say that we need to smash our own self Kingdoms and care about others' lives during the week. This caused me to see things about myself that I was sad about. I started with thinking about how I love my family...so many times when I could be with my husband...I find myself on my cell phone or my computer. Many times even if sitting with him, i am a thousand miles away in my thoughts and not loving him at all. I thought about my girls and my new son. How many times have I wished and cried for "me time" and allowed the wonder of being a momma go far away from me. How many times have i had opportunity to serve my girls and griped from the inside out because my life was so boring and mundane. And then I thought of my church family...do I smash my little kingdoms each week and reach outside of myself to serve them? Can I honestly say that I do that with joy and expectation of blessing? Do I hurt when they hurt and laugh when they laugh? Do I even know when they hurt? Are the only sorrows and tribulations and hardships that I know of connected to my little kingdom---my life, my family, my bills?? Do I rush at the opportunity to clean bathrooms for those who are in need or is there more important ministry for a person like me? Do I care if the shut-ins ever get visited or do I expect those lesser than me to do that duty? And then I thought of the world outside of that? How many times a week do I offer Jesus to a world that is dying or do I just think somebody else can deal with that mess? Do I look for hungry people with intent to help or accuse them or misspending food stamp money and consider them less than worthy of help? Do I care that single mommas are exhausted and tired and need help or do I just figure they made their bed and they can sleep in it? You can imagine that these questions have caused me some pain in myself. I am wrestling with them and wrestling with some of the answers. I have found that in many areas, I have no conviction. I can answer resounding yeses to them...in other areas, I am sadly, brokenly lacking. But Romans 8 offers me hope;; "There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." He saved me and his grace changes me. This message has caused me to think about my love for others...it has caused me sorrow and pain but it has worked to sanctify me and to say to me that it IS love that makes me real. It is love that marks me as a Christian...it is love that says to the world I am a disciple of Jesus. It is love that moves outside of me and my little kingdoms and reaches to a sad, broken, lonely world around me. I am praying for God to change me and to create in me his heart for people...his heart for others...to MAKE ME REAL IN THE AREA OF LOVE TO OTHERS. Praise God for change that is driven by grace and love from a very real, very personal Savior. Dear Jesus, I yearn to be real.

Today while folding laundry...massive joy swept through me....no keep reading....I was not just folding any laundry...I was folding my husband's workshirts. He wears plain old white button down shirts and while folding them I was so thankful I could not stand it. I have been folding that man's laundry for 28 years...what happened today? Hindsight happened. For most of those 28 years, I have folded his clothes grumbling and fussing because I wash...I fold and most of the time I put away...I am an expert grumbler in the area of laundry....until recently. At 48 years old and looking on the other side of my marriage...wondering how many more precious years I will get to enjoy with my husband...God has changed my heart. I have served my husband over these last years because I "had to" and completely missed the joy of " I get to". I have become so aware of how short time is...it is a vapor...every opportunity to love on Cliff..to serve him...to.honor him...to respect him...is so precious to me. Hindsight has made me sad in many ways...i cannot retrieve my grumbly attitude...I cannot respect where I disrespected...BUT I can thank God for changing my heart and creating in me a wisdom for loving my husband differently in the next 60 years :))). And i can share with my precious younger sisters in Christ...married and unmarried what hindsight has taught me. All seasons are but a short time...every opportunity to love your husband...to enjoy and serve him...is precious. It goes fast sisters. I pray that you live in freedom to love your husbands at young ages in such a way that your hindsight is sweet. Praise God for no condemnation and changes from glory to glory...

I have a 12 year old daughter who seemingly became a woman (physically) overnight. God has blessed her with amazing beauty (after all, she looks like a female version of me). OK, so that was my sick attempt at humor! But seriously, now that young womanhood is present in my home, "who is sufficient for these things"?

There once was a lady named Lori who loved her husband more than the water in the ocean. He is Captain America....The Hulk...and Faithful from Pilgrims Progess all rolled into one. He has steadfastly loved and protected his family with great joy. Lori has counted on his strength and faithfulness for 28 years....he has never failed her.....but tonight Captain America has become human. Cliff has an infection that is doing all it can to weaken his giant body and destroy his strength. I have found myself shaking on the inside this weekend and really really angry...how in my world could my rock...my strong....fully capable husband be this sick? I spent some time raging at God...then doing some bargaining....then feeling great despair and then finally acknowledging God's full authority to do what he wishes...when he wishes...to who he wishes...and by faith believing his plan is good and perfect. So...we have 72 hours to wait...we can choose to spend that 72 hours wondering or worrying...or We can choose to wait in worship....to wait in humble service to others....to wait in expectation of God's amazing plan. I am reminded of Matthew 6....do not worry about tomorrow....his grace is sufficient for today. So..We choose to wait in worship..in service and in expectation of God's perfect plan. So....Lori is enjoying an evening of peace with her husband...and looking forward to many more adventures with her very own Hulk.

As I write this, our nation is voting for its next President. No doubt some of you reading this will be up late tonight to hear the results. Others reading this are more like me . . . they will just go to bed like they have every night before.