Survival Mode in the Wilderness
I am living in what I call survival mode right now. Struggling with losing a daughter to marriage...struggling to stay connected to my husband after 29 years of marriage...struggling with feelings of failure and loss that I cannot find words for. So...I am just sitting in the desert...waiting. I am waiting for the manna from heaven...for the drink of water from the well of life...waiting to not feel strangled and without air...to be able to draw a full breath without my heart breaking. The wilderness is unmapped, unknown. I do not care for it...but I do trust the God who created the wilderness just like he did the sky...ocean...forest. I trust that if he created the wilderness.....he is in charge of it. I know that he has not left me nor forsaken me...even if I cannot feel him around me. I am waiting then on him. I choose not to trust my feelings...not to trust what is in front of me...not to trust my circumstances..but to trust in the great I AM...my precious Savior who has never forsaken me. He is with me..he is working all things to my good. He is busily conforming me to the image of his son. I choose to trust Him instead of me. I am sure that he who began a good work in me will be faithful to complete it. He will continue to support me...to love me...to grow me. He is faithful and I am thankful.